-SIGH- I know that life is about constant change and our human need to try to stop, delay, replicate, and control the process. It’s our very essence. I’m a bit overwhelmed, this fine Spring season, by the stunning number of situations and relationships around me that are just trashed up because of fear and a lack of knowledge around blatant misrepresentations and misunderstandings of what healthy communication looks like. Why all the stealth? Seriously. Y’all know who you are so don’t look around and wonder. If you think I mean you - I do. Either that or you have a guilty conscious. Either way, inbox me, I can recommend a book or two.
All this strife going on with friends, lovers, co-workers, marriages... It is nothing new. Ten billion dollars a year is generated by the self help industry, which is growing each year. Clearly there is a desire (factual or fostered) for the information that really only changes in terms of euphemisms, sleek pics, and order of steps to betterment. From 12 steps to 7 levels to 5 languages with a side helping of chicken soup for a variety of occasions, 4 hours to one power; The “I’m OK, You’re OK” message is simple: Be open and honest. Speak your truth.
In the event that you, like me, are stuck on “Wait? What!?” wrestling with the simplicity of the message and are too cheap/vain to buy or check out the audio book, allow me to impart some late night decoding with you. ____ (I used Sile), stop lying, stop telling partial tales and leaving out the parts you think won’t be accepted. Stop telling your mutual friends you’re sorry or you miss a person or you think that what they are doing is great, hoping they'll carry back what you want known. All this so you can skip out on being vulnerable, on looking bad, on admitting poor choices or actual intentions sounded great to you before you said it out loud.
Stop saying you’re doing what's best for the person or group when you know daggone well your main concern is yourself. Not mad at that, just stop kiddin’ yourself and own your crap. Stop with the greasy semantics, mincing of verbs, and convincing yourself you’re doing what's best for whomever by holding and misrepresenting what's real. Do get in front of a mirror and look, really look, in your eyes: Are you truly being honest? Do you have to look down to say yes? Do you think the exercise is ‘stoopid?’ Look in your eyes and say what you’ve been saying to keep the pot stirred, to re-iterate your righteousness, to blind yourself from what you don't want others to see as weak. Feel good about it? Or are there a bunch of “yeah buts,” and re-hashing over ”what happened was” or anger or clinging on to your damn story despite what your soul knows is truth? I don't know one single person that is not broken. Human perfection is a myth. Allow the epiphanies to happen. Breathe. And, for God’s sake, be open and honest and speak your truth.