IT WAS ONE of those break ups: messy, dramatic, a whole he-said, he-said affair of supposed infidelity (the “we were on a break” debate raged on for weeks), public fights and many nights of consoling the inconsolable.
Like a high schooler in the quad at lunch, all I could do was stand on the sidelines and gape. Like two fighters in a boxing ring where the arena is a dance club and the gloves are made of drama, my friend and his ex were duking it out for the championship.
The bitterness of the breakup culminated one night when, in an effort to both console himself with companionship and also to show his ex that he could move on, my friend asked the quintessential question of our gay times, “Should I hook up with this guy on Grindr?”
Now, I have nothing against online connections, but in that moment with his eyes still red with tears, I had to ask myself,
“When trying to cope with the heartache of a break-up, why do we seem to work so hard to break our hearts even more?”
The next day over brunch, I began to reflect on my own relationship scars and the heartbreaking moves I have pulled during breakups and I jotted down a list of what I have learned.
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