I WILL ADMIT I am someone who enjoys sex a lot, almost whenever and however. Sex is one of the best things that has ever happened to mankind, in my opinion, of course. Even though sex can be amazing, it can also be the root of some serious issues. It’s one of the things that can ruin marriages and relationships. It has the power to turn friends against one another, it can become addictive, and even cause wars (Helen of Troy, anyone?). Needless to say, sex is something powerful and sex is the subject of this month’s column.
I went to go see Fifty Shades of Grey recently and fell in love with it. I will be honest and admit that the movie wasn’t great and the book was much better but the concept was amazing. It made individuals, like myself and probably you, feel okay about having fetishes. It made it feel normal. So many people are embarrassed about their sexual desires but, like technology, sex is forever evolving and it’s not a bad thing.
Even though people are talking more openly about sex now, it sometimes is still this little kept secret, especially when you start talking about anything outside of “normal” sex (i.e. gay sex, kink, fetishes, etc.). People are still afraid to let out their inner freaks and be okay with it. But why? Why is it so wrong to explore and be open and honest about it? Some may argue that the reason we have such high rates of HIV infection is because we don’t talk about sex enough. I am not saying that we should tell the world every detail of our sex lives, but if we were to provide a safe and educating space about sex then, in my opinion, it would help. A lot. I even know some people who are embarrassed to admit that they are on certain dating (hook-up) sites/apps such as Jack’d, Grindr, and/or BGC. What is there to be embarrassed about? We are human, after all. We all need a sexual release.
Then of course there’s masturbation. I was lucky enough to have a mother who actually encouraged masturbation; after all it’s the safest form of sexual pleasure when you start talking about STD’s and pregnancy. There are adults who are reluctant to admit that they frequent sex stores for certain toys or porn. If we don’t know what pleases us sexually, how the heck can we expect someone else to? As always, I like to be transparent with my readers and I will admit that yes, I do masturbate. Depending on the week, it may be as many as five times.
Like with almost anything, any form of sex done in excess can be a negative thing and can become an addiction. It’s imperative to know your limits and boundaries, to make sure that it doesn’t take over your life and doesn’t turn into something unhealthy. Sexual addiction is something that is very real and serious. There are people who have lost their jobs and families because of a sexual addiction, but as long as it’s done in a healthy way and in healthy amounts (that’s up for you to decide) then I say go for it.
Sex is something that is not to be ashamed of and it is something that we as a society should embrace more. And I am not talking heterosexual missionary position sex, but sex today. Gay sex, fetishes, porn, masturbation and all the other things that sex encompasses. Woody Allen said it best, “Sex without love is meaningless, but as far as meaningless experiences go it’s pretty damn good.”