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The first step to unleashing the full power of your sex life is getting to know you.
Exploring your own body and discovering your likes, dislikes and desires is both healthy and necessary. It is difficult for any partner to help you “get there” if you don’t know what you want. Find out what works for you as well as where you draw the line. Because human sexuality and desire have the potential to change or evolve, that should be an ongoing process. Some kinks can be difficult or even dangerous to try on your own, but for the most part, personal exploration is a good thing. Knowing that information is central to finding a compatible sex partner and getting the most out of sex.
The next step is finding someone that can fulfill those desires.
One night stands and casual hook-ups can be fun but often have a greater potential of being awkward and unfulfilling. In order to avoid that, get to know your partner and have a conversation about what he/she likes; be sure to include your own dos and don’ts. Again, the only way to fulfill your or someone else’s desires is to know what those desires are. It is always best to start where you both are comfortable and slowly integrate those more challenging or exotic fantasies. Some say that sex is better with someone you love, which is probably true. What is undeniably true is that sex with a stranger is never great. It may seem hot and exciting at the time but often ends up being uncomfortable and unsatisfying.
Last but most important of all is safety.
There is nothing sexy about STIs (sexually transmitted infections), and reading on someone’s profile that he/she is “clean” or “D/D free” should never be enough to convince you that you are safe. Most STIs have few or no symptoms at all, and many people who have an STI do not know it. So, it’s not that they are lying or trying to trick you; they honestly do not know. The only way to be sure that you or your partners do not have an STI is to be tested. The question should not only be “have you been tested?” but also “when was your last test?” and “have you had unprotected sex since your last test?”
People often ask, “what if they lie?” That is a completely valid concern, but that immediate response to those questions, regardless of the answers, can tell you a lot. If someone is hesitant to answer or freaked out by the question, that’s a red flag. The truth is they probably don’t know. Even after all those questions, USE PROTECTION. The risks of unprotected sex far outweigh the benefits. It may feel good and seem exciting at the time, but the result is often a very long, stressful and anxiety-ridden wait until your next test. It kind of kills any fun that may have been had because all you can think about is
“what if?” Avoid after-sex stress by knowing your own status, asking your partner’s and using protection every time.
For some of you, those suggestions may seem obvious and I would redirect those readers to the title of this article. The fact is that these seemingly simple aspects of sex are overlooked all the time. We get caught up just going through the motions and forget the basics of a healthy and enjoyable sex life. The next time you are presented with an opportunity for sex, ask yourself these questions: “what do I want?”, “can we fulfill each other’s needs?” and “will I regret this in the morning?”